Take Back Your Power

Are we holding ourselves back?  Deb Liu thinks that most of us are. 
 
Deb is the CEO of Ancestry, a multi-billion dollar genealogy company that enables people to identify and learn about their family trees.  She came to Ancestry as a senior executive and product manager at Facebook, PayPal and eBay.  She wrote a very compelling book:  “Take Back Your Power: 10 New Rules for Women at Work” about her personal journey. 

“I was a very introverted child.  And I got bullied a lot growing up in South Carolina – I resented my parents for moving us there from Queens where I was born,” Deb relates.  “I thought that doing well at school was my path out of that town, so I resolved to be an excellent student.”  That kind of motivation fueled Deb’s ambition for years.  “I definitely had a chip on my shoulder.” 
 
Deb graduated with an engineering degree and was a top student, but found that her professional success required different skills and attributes.  “I thought it was about doing the work, which was the way I was brought up.  But a lot of it was about how you communicated the work you were doing and the relationships you built.  I learned that at the consulting firm I joined out of college.  Then, in business school I took a class that asked what I would do differently to achieve my goals.  I wrote down, ‘I will be an extrovert at work.’” 
 
This is quite a statement; most of us think of ourselves as having a certain nature, and that nature is not subject to change through a simple act of will.  Deb approached it differently.  “If I told you that you were going to Spain for work and you had to learn Spanish to succeed, wouldn’t you do it?  I approached being extroverted at work the same way, as something you need to develop in order to achieve your goals.” 
 
Deb recounts many painful experiences through work.  About beating herself up for expressing something imperfectly.  About being cut off by co-workers, only to have a sponsor intercede and tell others to make sure and give Deb and others the space to express themselves.  About reporting to a colleague that she didn’t get along with, whom she said, “I’d quit if I had to report to him,” only to be put in what you would consider professional marriage counseling because they had to make it work.  About becoming a product manager when fewer than 10% of others in that role were women and changing the rules as to what was required for the job.  “There was a technical requirement that didn’t necessarily help the organization actually perform well, but it was in place and no one questioned it even as it was clear that there were people, like me, who were excelling in the role without a computer science degree.”  And about being a female CEO of a multi-billion dollar firm and still being mistaken for an assistant periodically at conferences and other gatherings.  “For a while, you justify it and want to make other people comfortable.  But eventually you say, ‘you know what, it’s okay to make someone else a little uncomfortable.’”
 
I could relate to Deb’s account of being an introvert who had to push beyond it.  I too was a bookish child of immigrants.  I did the most extroverted thing that you can imagine: run for President of the United States.  I did it because I had a mission in mind that seemed much more important than my own discomfort.  Still, my team had to adjust to my nature; realizing, for example, that after a day of in-person events and interviews I would want some alone time to let my brain cool down. 
 
Deb is a Christian, and writes a lot about the idea of forgiveness.  But not just of our enemies or those who slight us - of ourselves.  “Forgiving yourself is often the hardest type of forgiveness,” she writes.  “Forgiveness creates its own power and soothes the pain of old wounds.  It allows us to break free of the hold the past has over us.”  I remember also berating myself when I was young; it was only after I was able to let things go that I started being a better friend and leader. 
 
Deb’s story is extraordinarily uplifting; she now has a thriving family with 3 children, a loving husband and a career that most wouldn’t have thought possible.  And still, she is finding new ways to make a difference.  “The ladder is infinite if you are willing to climb it, and there is never a top rung.”  All things are possible if you have a mission and can push beyond your comfort zone, and are working with the right people.
 
For my interview with Deb click here.  For a copy of her book click here.  For a better approach to our politics, check out Forward Party here.